I've made a pact with myself.

The last two weeks I've had episodes of my heart skipping and also of times where I can feel "bursts" of stomach acid go up in my esophagus. Both are painful and annoying (I've always had my heart skip beats, it's genetic in my family). And although both may or may not be related to my overeating, I decided last night to just give IE a shot again. Not for any other reason than to see if it helps with either of my physical symptoms.

If it helps, great! If not, well then I tried.

I also noticed that I've been using any perceived anger against my hubby as a reason to rebel and eat. I still can't completely put my finger on it, but it seems that I am making up excuses to overeat. That I am actually "creating" situations in which I am angry at him. I'm not quite seeing the full picture yet, but for the first time I'm beginning to see it for what it probably is. It's time to unravel the truth.

I will keep this blog updated about my progress this week. How Intuitive Eating helps with not only my emotional well-being, but also my physical self.

The Difference

All the things I'm hearing, all of it, came crashing in tonight.

"Eating intuitively is not the same as binging."

"If you continue to binge, you will gain weight."

Etc. On and on.

It's been rough.

I almost came here earlier, asking "How do you stop? How do you go from dieting and binging to stopping?". But I didn't. Why not? Because I know the answer.

I can keep "researching" and "reading blogs", or I can commit to this.

Therein lies the difference.

The doorway.

Either I step up and do it, or I wallow in the "how's" and "why's" that I already have the answers to.

Tonight I choose to step up.

Tomorrow is a new day.

I Like It

What do you do with the realization that you like to overeat?

That's what happened to me.

As I sat and made myself popcorn last night, the thought popped into my head that I like to binge. I like to drown myself in oblivion. I like the feeling of not having to think or feel after a long, stressful day.
 
I like it. 

So then what? What do I do with this?

I didn't see it coming. And now I feel blindsided. I thought I wanted to be a normal eater. I thought I wanted to escape this pit.

But the truth might be that I like being here.

So now what?