Power

This has got to end. I am weary of fighting myself over food. Of thinking that food has some magic power that it obviously doesn't.

I'm tired of nights spent tossing and turning from a stomach that is too full and from heartburn that irritates me all night long. Waking up with pain and feeling ill.

I'm weary of hiding behind a mountain of food. Using it to wall out people and feelings that frighten me. I KNOW...I know I have to power to face this head on, that feelings pass, that people are just people. And yet I use my drug of choice.

From Christie Inge this morning in my inbox. Words that spoke to me...

In this moment, can that chocolate give me what I’m truly looking for?

And when, the answer came back to me, it was always the same.

No. Because everything I need and want lives within me.

There was simply no need to struggle. Or fight. Or resist.

Because it was my truth.

And my truth doesn’t want to be smothered in chocolate. Or pizza. Or cheeseburgers and french fries. Or endless bags of potato chips.

My truth wants to be present. To feel. To live.

When I listen to my mind, it tells me stories about what food will give me that it simply can’t. My mind gives food power that it doesn’t have. It tells me that I can’t handle my feelings. Or the holidays. Or that I deserve it. Or that this person will judge me. Or that this person won’t like me. Or that saying no is rude. Or that I can’t create the body, the business, the life I want.

But, my body knows the truth.

And at it's core, that's it. That's what I need to believe. My mind gives food power that it doesn't have.

Sigh.

A new day.

Another chance.

Thank God.